Friday, July 4, 2014

Control, acceptance and what lies in between


We seek it in the crevices, we seek it in the clouds. A search for the semblance of order in our lives, an unwitting attempt for the pieces to fall into the places we create for them. Routines of order, routines of disorder. Habits.

But life is not that ordered, and we are not dominos. We will not collapse if things are out of place, or if there is no definite end in sight. And we cannot ceaselessly exert influence over things that are outside us. People, places, events, the weather. They aren't radio stations that can be tuned to perfection. The random static of the universe will always remain in the background. Scientists have been listening to it for years. Things will work out without your meddling. You are powerful and responsible for your own actions.

But you are not God. And you are definitely not the earth's axis. The world won't stop spinning if your mind is at rest.

Maybe that's my learning for this first quarter of my life. Maybe that's my learning for the parent I hope to eventually become. My learning for a worry-free life. Learn to let go, give a little, let things rest and they'll turn out all right.
In other words, learn to have faith.

Where does this come from? I'm writing my thesis, which is code for a nicely-formatted novella that maybe two people will read -- if I'm lucky. I've just flown to the end of the earth on a ticket with no return date. I'm firmly in-between things and have been for a while. And between this month and (hopefully) the next I have to successfully look for, apply for, and get accepted for a job, which means I have to at least attempt to categorise my life into neat little boxes for a disgruntled HR employee somewhere.

So many factors to account for, so many things that are out of my control...the twenties are uncertainty at their best. Something about having too many choices and feeling like you are responsible for owning them all.

But I have to remind myself it's temporary. That things will work out. That the fog will lift. It always lifts.

It's like my supervisor a wise and very kind man told me recently. Looking me in the eye, he said in the voice I would imagine God (or Morgan Freeman with a cold) to have, "You'll do all right. In life, I mean."

And then he smiled that smile that always makes me wonder whether he means it or he's just having a good laugh.

But I'm sure I will be all right eventually. And so will you, all of you. Whatever your present set of worries might be. Have faith.

It's what lies in between (refer title).


PS: This post initially started off with reference to this set of pictures below, and was intended to be a sort of reminder to all you parents (or parents-to-be) to let your kids run amok a little. They'll figure their way out.

As you can see, what comes from the heart often finds its way sooner into words than you think. But let's pretend for a second that this below is what this post is really about. I'll save you the excess of words for this part, though. Only the excess, though. So, a word about what I think parenting is -- from a non-parent.

Parenting is about...

standing behind your children

maybe even boosting them up,

but mostly just letting them splash around (in spiderman wellies)

letting them weave their paths

and climb

on their own, to the top.

(If you let them, your little chickies will climb out from beneath your shadow and into the sun.
They'll gather their courage, wits and will,

they'll build their wings
for flight.*)

* This holds true for parents from children too! Life lessons from Nanya, for Nanya. Hah.


  1. Nanya. This was wonderful. Reading your blog after ages and I found this post just when I was going through a bout of homesickness and self-doubt this morning. Reading the last bit made me feel better. Thank you. And your pictures are lovely, as always :)

    Love and hugs, birthday twin! (6 days to go :D)
    Oh and good luck with the thesis/novel...I'd love to read it when it's done!

  2. Oh Pooja, thank you so much for your kind words. And for directing me back to this reminder of a post on a day I needed it too.

    Happy birthday in advance, birthday-twin!